my original plan for today was to read the newspaper, watch the bears game, and spend the evening dogsitting for a couple of friends. things were going as planned - i'm stretched out on my living room floor, watching the game, occasionally flipping to nfl redzone, and keeping an eye on twitter. the bears are winning, folks on twitter are cracking me up...all good times until there's a knock on my door. mind you, i wasn't expecting anyone and if i was, the front desk would've called me to let me know that i have a visitor. i figured it might've been a member of the building's maintenance crew, although i hadn't requested any work and there's no reason for them to stop by on a sunday.
it wasn't. it was a cook county sheriff, serving me with eviction papers. i'm proud of myself for not having a meltdown until after the sheriff left and i managed to lock the door and sit in my chair. i read through the paperwork, had another meltdown (albeit a less intense one), and then tried to call bff. no answer there, so i started digging through my files and found an organization that might be able to help me through this process. of course i can't call them today b/c it's sunday. sent bff a text, took a few deep breaths, and here i am.
court date is set for the middle of next week. i have no idea what's going to happen between now and then. will i get the job i just interviewed for next week? will any of the temp agencies i'm signed up with finally call me with an assignment? will an inheritance from a relative i didn't even know i had come through? will the state decide that i'm no longer eligible for food stamps even though i don't have any income and jumped through the "hey you have to volunteer for 20 hours and contact x number of people about jobs" hoops they set up for me last month? will the organization i'm going to call tomorrow be able to buy me some time?
i don't know. here's what i do know right about now: i don't want to move. i'm really afraid that moving at this stage in my life when everything else is fubar might send me over the edge. i'm scared. i'm fighting tears as i type this even though the bears are winning. i'm tired...no, exhausted. this whole "playing superwoman when i can't even afford the cape" shit has worn me the fuck out. i have literally hollered and thrown up both my hands more times than i can count. there is only so much of this i can take and i am seriously at my breaking point.
i also know that there's nothing i can do about any of this right at this moment. i know i will pull myself together enough to finish my original plan for today. that's about all i can manage. tomorrow? we'll see.
